my bags are packed, i'm ready to go...

a couple of summers ago, my best friend spent the summer working on board the m/v anastasis in spain. shortly before she left, she played some of the songs that she had selected at her "mix tape" of sorts for that summer and its many pending adventures. we drove back from tyler with the windows down blaring the peter, paul, and mary hit "leaving on a jet plane." i've found myself humming that tune often this past week as i have rushed from here to there preparing as much as possible for what lies ahead of me in the next few months.

i've made countless lists, checked through them multiple times, crossed and recrossed items from them, and have been to wal-mart more times than i would like to admit. there always was that one thing that i had forgotten... but i had gotten an early start on monday (thanks to my mom) when we packed my bags for the most part.

so by the time that i got to today, i really had nothing to do. which was weird, because i almost always have something to do. :) then it hit me - like a two-by-four between the eyes - i had spent my whole week preparing physically: getting my yellow-fever vaccination, beginning my doxycycline anti-malarial regimen, purchasing last-minute items, yet surprisingly (and yet not so) i did not feel ready. apprehension and stress still gripped my heart and twisted my stomach. there were still so many questions for which i did not have answers! i realized how very little i had done to prepare myself mentally and spiritually for what lies ahead.

because, you see, far before i ever thought of tickets and visas and internships and advanced study grants and budgets and institutional review boards God had called my heart to sierra leone - to this time, this place, and its people. in the middle of everything, i had let go of that truth. today i reclaimed it, and with it came the rush of joy and excitement which threatened to sweep me away.

writing this now, as my house beginst to quiet down for the night, and i sit on my bed for one last evening in a while, i realize what a gift today truly has been. i sat in the garden reading and doing crossword puzzles and glorying the beautiful day. i laughed so hard i wept - literally! not just teared up, but tears streaming - with my family during dinner. we bonded over a ridiculous game of 90's trivial pursuit, and for a moment i truly regretted that i would be leaving tomorrow. not because i wasn't so extremely excited, but because i realized how very far i would be (again) from those that i love so very dearly. my quiet baby brother who is turning into a man before my very eyes and whose sheepish grin melts my heart. my mother who is truly one of my dearest and closest friends. my father who continues to challenge and grow me every day with infinite love. my sister whose new friendship is truly an unexpected blessing - like finding that there is one more delicious morsel left in the cookie jar. i will miss them all.

but then i feel that tingly, bubbling sensation in the bottom of my stomach, and suddenly it's a little harder to breath. it's not the fear and apprehension of a few days ago. it's sheer excitement and bated expectation.

the music on my itunes shuffles to the next song, and i hear the plaintive strumming of a guitar: my bag's are packed, i'm ready to go...