Thursday, April 17, 2008

tarmilat

so after having this blog for several years now, and using picasa for my pictures for almost a year, the two worlds have finally combined! here's a picture from my recent excursion to the little town of tarmilat, which lies just beyond the freshly painted roads and neatly manicured lawns of ifrane.

here, the community survives in houses built of stones, wrestled from the earth, and neatly stacked, one on the other, with rusted sheets of corrugated tin weighted down by used tires for a roof.

as the sun set and the cold, icy wind began to whip up from the north, i ruefully re-wrapped my arms around myself, and wondered why i had decided against that second sweater, now obliviously enjoying its snug home at the end of my bed. but then i look around me once again, and i see the weather-beated faces of the men, women, and children of tarmilat that never really get to leave the cold and who may not have the luxury of a second sweater they can choose to leave at home.

laughter rings out from somewhere, and we are ushered down to one of the stone buildings at the base of the rocky outcrop of a hill where we had been watching the sun set. before it gets too late, the women want to show us their looms, the ancient set-ups which produce the lifeblood of this small but stubbornly thriving community. a dimly lit room, warmed by a charcoal brazier - the workshop smells of sheep and sheeps' wool, and one look at the works in progress there tells the story of the hurculean effort that goes into a single rug or carpet.

stepping out again into the growing dusk, i stop for a moment and watch the daily happenings which continue around me, the work that has to be done whether or not twelve or so white foreigners have descended upon tarmilat. cows appear out of nowhere, and grudgingly - with much protestation - make their way into their byre for the night. minutes later, a crowd of sheep follow suit. as the last light fades, the women around me, with their multi-colored aprons and veils, seem more like hardy desert flowers, buffetted by the breeze, rather than young mothers and old grandmothers whose lives have been marked by the tell-tale pain and suffering that are the cousins of poverty.

but things are looking up for this little village. a relationship with the little church community at al akhawayn and other support has given them a market for their beautiful handiwork, and as we sat, eating our ftour meal of spiced coffee, dates, boiled eggs, shbekia (a honeyed pastry-like knot of deliciousness), and harira (a thick chickpea, tomato, lentil soup), we were told that the lights overhead (which were flickering a bit toward the end) were powered by the solar panel that the community bought together with their first proceeds. a small school has also been built, and there are plans galore of future uses for their growing profits.

at the end of the evening, as we navigated our way down the rocky hill under the light of a nearly full moon, i was relieved to see the university van and it's promise of warmth. climbing quickly inside, i said a quick "thank you and goodbye" to our gracious hosts and set about getting feeling back into my toes. a few minutes later, after arriving back to the university and making my way to my room, i sat on my bed with my second sweater around my shoulders, more than a little bit aware of my many blessings, and more than a little bit guilty to have allowed myself to forget them before.
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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

finding the limit in fes

i've hit a bit of a wall; i'm not going to lie. i've reached that point where i'm beginning to become quite fatigued of handing over this life of mine to the grand "intercultural experience" otherwise known as "studying abroad," or, for me, "morocco." particularly as i sit in this tiny dorm room on this tiny campus in this tiny town so far removed from morocco proper, feeling a little more than queasy again from the cafeteria food.

i feel as though i'm suffocating under this culture a little bit, too. this past weekend after spending friday night glorying in the beauty of moroccan nature, camping in a sort of open-mouthed cave on a nearby hillside, and enjoying the scrubbing, steaming, exfoliating goodness of the hammam in fes, i was really on a high. i felt cleaner than i ever had in my life and a brief stop at a nearby patisserie to indulge in a raspberry-passion fruit tart with a hint of dark chocolate left me in legitimate feminine ecstasy.

we turned to the old medina to meet up with some guy friends, and that blissful moment suddently came crashing down around my ears - the pristine, crystalline beauty shattered about my feet. and perhaps i still haven't quite recovered...

all entrances to the medina, except for one small side gate, had been blocked off because of a festival that night celebrating the 1200th anniversary of the city of fes. getting separated from the other three girls in our group, shadea and i found ourselves suddenly in the midst of a writhing, tumultuous mass of warm, sweating bodies all pushing in opposite directions - some trying to get out, others trying to get in, and us - caught in the middle, simply trying to stay standing and in one piece. the story of the people crushed to death when the crowd rushed the football stadium somewhere in europe, i clung to shadea's hand and the swarm of people pushed from behind - somehow thinking that would be the most effective means of moving forward despite the fact that those in front weren't going anywhere.

and then the guy popped up behind me - the embodiement of all that i hate about morocco. without warning he was standing there, plying offers of "berber massage" in his high, accented voice dripping with inuendo and physical desire. in the next moment his hand was on my wrist, and then he was stroking my hand. without even thinking, i tore my arm from his grasp and responded with a blow to his chest (rather weak, i'm afraid) and a warning to "go away" sounding awfully high and sharp to my own ears - all my arabic, of course, choosing that exact moment to flee my mind.

and in the next moment he was gone, some kind angel of a man intervening and placing himself between myself and him - i don't even remember much of the rest, except that we managed to escape the worst of the crowd in the next few minutes. as the adrenaline faded from my veins, my heart beat slowed, but i was still shaking when we finally made it to the guys' hotel terrace ten minutes later - that moment of feminine ecstasy long gone, stolen away by the assault of a society still in the throes of the gender struggle.

i never have really considered myself a feminist, but since coming to this place i have begun to question my own perspective, and to be thankful for my own country. for my independence there, especially. the worst part about it, though, is that i'm getting tired of fighting, of having those conversations with my moroccan friends here, of having to arm myself everytime i walk out of the door. as i look at the women in the streets in the towns i visit, i wonder if i have any right, then, to judge them for failing to stand up to the system so long ago.

and yet there are still so many things that i love about this country, and when i say i've hit the wall in some ways, i can say in the same breath that i know i will miss this country, i will miss its people, i will miss those deeply challenging conversations and the constant invitation to abandon your plans and embrace the grace and beauty of flexibility and all of the unknown adventures that she offers.

so i take a deep breath. find that center of love and peace. and choose to bring that to the world i'm living in. because, the truth is, i'm a bit ashamed that i hit that man - that i responded to his negativity with anger, hatred, loathing, and violence. i shouldn't have given him the time of day. and maybe that's the thought of moroccan women. maybe they're just biding their time until that day when the mantle of oppression has cracked enough that they can throw it off in one fell swoop and stand victorious, celebrating the success of their patience, their endurance, and their silent protest.

i really hope so...

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

today

interesting event of the day: buying chicken. from a butcher. in another language. let's just say there was a lot of gesturing, broken arabic, broken french, smiling, and nodding involved. i really think the guy must have thought that i, ally, and eva were all fairly comical, especially when we all jumped when he whacked off the chicken's head with a meat cleaver. oh morocco...

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

frustration

i am frustrated. inside and out. you know the kind: that gnawing, eating-at-your-soul that makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs, jump up and down, and shake someone.

hard.

it has grown inside of me this whole semester as i push and pull and tug at my english conversation group members, practically begging them to talk, to engage, to have an opinion, to think. and the response is always the same: blank - that blank stare reflecting a blank mind that's so depressing i want to call the whole thing off.

this week, ally and i prepared a collection of protest music: billie holiday, bob marley, U2, the beatles, ani difranco, the decemberists...music crossing time and theme and genre; music inspired by an event, a social concern, or an idea like redemption. i've thrown racism, politics, religion, foreign affairs, abortion, stem cell research, family, gender roles, relationships at them.

blank.

i don't know how much more of this i can take...