frustration

i am frustrated. inside and out. you know the kind: that gnawing, eating-at-your-soul that makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs, jump up and down, and shake someone.

hard.

it has grown inside of me this whole semester as i push and pull and tug at my english conversation group members, practically begging them to talk, to engage, to have an opinion, to think. and the response is always the same: blank - that blank stare reflecting a blank mind that's so depressing i want to call the whole thing off.

this week, ally and i prepared a collection of protest music: billie holiday, bob marley, U2, the beatles, ani difranco, the decemberists...music crossing time and theme and genre; music inspired by an event, a social concern, or an idea like redemption. i've thrown racism, politics, religion, foreign affairs, abortion, stem cell research, family, gender roles, relationships at them.

blank.

i don't know how much more of this i can take...