awareness

today marks my third-to-last morning in college. my third-to-last morning sitting at my computer with my cup of coffee, amidst the clutter of books and papers, phones and snackfoods that consistently inhabit our kitchen table. my third-to-last morning when i can sit in the relative silence of sleeping roommates and sleeping next-door neighbors, spy the sunlight streaming through the window in our living room, and contemplate the wonders of the day.

this day is pretty straight forward: rehearsal for baccalaureate mass, laundry, packing up the rest of my odds and ends, meeting my family for dinner after their flight into boston, and then a late evening catch-up with friends.

i rub my still-sore feet and wonder if the mild ringing in my ears is ever going to go away. last night was our "commencement ball" - a prom of sorts for graduating seniors, except with the addition of a cash bar and ridiculously short dresses. still, despite the general air of debauchery, i had an amazing time with my roommates and my dearest friends from these past four years. the music was good, and we danced the night away, much the chagrin of my toes today.

the dynamic of boston college has never ceased to amaze me. i marvel at the contrast between libraries filled to capacity during finals, burgeoning alternative spring break service trip programs, and the cut-loose, let-go attitude of thursday, friday, and saturday nights. i am blessed to be surrounded by a group of like-minded people who also wonder at the statements made by a university purportedly committed to social justice that throws down thousands and thousands of dollars for a senior week shindig. meanwhile, every department of the university including financial aid have had to cut 2% of their budget due to the economic downturn.

i really did enjoy myself, and i am thankful to those individuals on the senior week committee who i'm sure put in hours of time and energy to coordinate these social events. i loved having somewhere different to go with my good friends, a space and time to dress up, step out, and celebrate the significance of graduation from college. still, one image in particular rankles me even now.

yesterday afternoon, my roommates and i hitched a ride on a trolley - the transportation of choice as it turns out for bc students to travel about the city and bar-hop before arriving at the dance. we had opted out, eyeing the price tag and determining that a $1.70 t ride would equally suffice. however, upon arriving in the public garden for pictures, we ran into a group of aquaintences who had extra room and more than graciously offered us a spot.

as we toured around town, the crackling, distorted music blared from the speakers, assailing passersby through the trolley's open sides. down all sorts of side streets and back alleys we rode, the driver kicking in the hydraulics every once in awhile to the great pleasure of all on board. as we were finally making our way to the sheraton hotel where the ball was being held, we drove through the heart of boston's downtown. as we passed amidst the skyscrapers of boston's financial district, i turned to look out the window only to be confronted with the sight of one of boston's many homeless individuals. unable to stand for whatever reason, this man was scooting along the gum-stained sidewalk in torn, cut-off jeans and a grungy button-up cotton shirt. as i looked down at the dress i had borrowed to wear that night, the clear nail polish on my clean fingers, and felt my freshly washed, curled hair teased by the breeze, the contrast disgusted me.

as i move to los angeles next year, one of the only things i can really count on is the continuation of this struggle. the tight rope of appreciating those opportunities given to you while holding them critically is one that challenges me continually. similar to any balancing act, the only way to broach anything remotely reminiscent of success is to remain persistently aware. aware of oneself, aware of the vibrating hum beneath your feet, aware of the swaying motions demanding the ultimate flexibility.