reflections on a welcome conundrum

i'm back in LA after yet another wonderful visit with my sister, my brother-in-law, and my darling baby niece. i can't believe i haven't written about the little bundle of joy (literally!) that stumbled into my life almost four months ago exactly...

writer's block: the hum of the electrical lines outside my bedroom window coupled with the steady whir of freeway traffic and the smell of incense wafting from the stick i put up a few minutes ago lull my over-tired body and mind to a state of numb as i conjure images of the family i have so recently left behind once again. my sister's face. my brother-in-law's laugh. my grandmother's accented speech. my mother's gentle hands. my father's bear hugs. and the topic of my post, my adorable, so-elusively-beautiful-beyond-description niece.

how do i conjure for you the feeling of my niece's two perfectly round hemispheres of cheeks cupped in each of my palms? what words adequately communicate the mildly repulsive yet alluring scent of soured milk that swathes her by the end of the day? can you imagine the utter bliss of burying your face into the unadulterated neck of a baby? especially one filling the air with a joy-filled cacophony of coos and shrieks. or who wants to take a stab at conveying the feeling of absolute empowerment when one's clownish antics and ridiculously huge grin are rewarded with a whole-body smile?

spending time with her, love is so blatantly obvious, so banally natural. i don't think i ever stood a chance against those large, blue eyes or that tiny fist when both first clapped hold of me almost three months ago. and suddenly, the dreams of traveling widely or living abroad that i have kept alive by spoon-feeding them adventure travel novels and late-night web searches, wane pale when placed in competition with the chunky monkey i call my niece.

aside from all the overly-dramatic inner turmoil of dreams torn assunder, the simple reality is that, for the time being, happiness means looking at her photos, recalling the sound of her laugh, and ticking off one by one the days until i see her again.

sacred spaces

saturday i left work exhausted. sunday i left work frustrated. yesterday i left work in love.

with my job. with life. with the darling (new) family i had cared for that day. mom is french. dad is from argentina. they met in switzerland while getting their phDs. they have a new baby girl. and they are in love. with each other. with her. how do you describe the feeling you get while watching a new mother watch her baby? how lucky am i to be welcomed into such a sacred moment and space?