a funny family christmas

the best part about christmas, for me, is the inevitable family reunion. my extended family on my mother's side is all pretty close, although we only really get to see everyone once a year at the holiday get-together. everyone travels in from all over texas, and we hole away with a number of good bottles of wine and enough food to feed a small country.

as i have gotten older, i have started to notice and appreciate the idisyncracies that make my family so incredibly unique.

uncle peter: a towering blonde image of a dutchman, my uncle peter is the oldest of the five kids, and perhaps the most colorful character in the bunch. a photographer who lives in austin with my aunt ann and my cousins cole and willa, uncle peter rambles through the world with unpretentious abandon, be that walking around the house in yard in his t-shirt and boxers or taking a dip in the backyard pool in the balmy 50 degree weather that graced houston two days ago. with a distinct laugh and an enormous smile, uncle peter can always be called upon to liven up the conversation, and it was unsurprising to look over later in the evening and see him surrounded by all the guy cousins, doubled over with laughter and uncle peter gesticulating wildly to emphasize his imaginative story.

aunt irene: the first thing i always notice about my aunt irene is the white perfection of her beautifully straight teeth. her smile is enormous as well, and in it you can see each and every tooth. a dental hygienist who also lives in austin with my uncle clark - and mom to my cousins kimberly, wes, and brittney - aunt irene is a veritable fashion plate. although she is the second oldest of the five kids, she has always amazed me by the youth and vibrancy of her wardrobe. the best part, though, is that her heart and her hugs are as huge as her smile, and no matter how long it has been, i can always count on her fierce loyalty and love.

uncle frank: francis maria staats is the middle child in my mom's family, and it shows. the picture of diplomacy and grace, uncle frank lives in houston, and he and his wife sharon hosted the first night of our staats family reunion. the ever-gracious host, uncle frank is imperturbable (spelling?), and it's a characteristic of his that never ceases to amaze me amid the hubub of frenetic activity that is omnipresent whenever we all get together - we are nearly 36 people, after all. he laughs and jokes with us older nieces and nephews, and he's always interested in whatever is going on in our lives, but he is at his best with the youngest ones - just the sweetest of dad's and the most devoted of uncles.

aunt monique: powerhouse. that's basically my aunt monique in a word. tall, thin, and beautiful in her strength and vitality, aunt monique is the most energetic woman i know as well as loyal and dependable to the extreme. she's a physical therapist, and her and my uncle steve have recently started fostering special needs kids - in august, they adopted angelina and jeremiah joseph, the two newest members of our ever-growing family. to watch both aunt monique and uncle steve with the kids is inspiring, simply put. but nieke-nieke (as we all affectionately call her) is particularly amazing. every moment with her kiddos is a pt session - because both nina and j.j. need a lot of extra love.

i feel as if i've only just scratched the surface, but the reality is that every person in my family is a blessing to me, and i felt as though i needed to appreciate them in that, even if only in this small way.

this christmas has been different. as someone who usually begins getting excited for christmas in august, i found myself struggling come mid-december to really focus on the fact that christmas was fast approaching. i thought that finishing finals and coming home would help to jump-start that holiday spirit, and in some ways it has, but in many ways, it's still off. well, maybe "off" is a strong word; it's just been...different.

we're not at home this year, opting to spend the holidays with my oma down here in houston so that she won't be alone, as my opa died only a few days before christmas two years ago. and i'm continuing to discover how much my time in sierra leone has changed me and grown me. gifts have also been different, as we have chosen as a family to focus on actual needs instead of pouring money out on other things that are maybe less than necessary. these aspects, perhaps combined with others that i haven't yet realized, make for an altogether funny feeling - an alteration on the normal carefree christmas spirit that has characterized past holidays.

but at the root of it all, i am - more than anything else - deeply and truly thankful for those blessings which i can count that aren't wrappable or under a tree: the love of my family, food and laughter and warmth and free time, peace and goodwill for mankind, the grace of this advent season, and the overwhelming joy of christmas.

it's going to be a lovely christmas after all...

flying and falling

from a few days ago:

how do i describe this feeling? i have thrown myself into the great unknown, far and deep and wide, and i have fallen. my bruised and broken heart mourns the loss not that which necessarily was but that which could have been. question after question float lazily yet persistently through my head. they plague me, even now, and i find solace in the words of others shrouded in their plaintive voices – others have been here before. because the truth is, from time to time, we all are called upon to jump, and we do – no matter the bleakest of consequences – because it is so exhilarating to fly, if even for only a moment.

the birth, life, and death of a relationship is a key point of interest. unmarked by most, except the people most intimately involved, it happens all the time – so inherently common to our human condition, and yet always taking us by surprise. so funny.

there’s no real point to this today. my head’s too fuzzy to try to make sense, and for now i kind of like just being in this moment, in this feeling. in all that it is, it is new, and that in and of itself makes it noteworthy. it’s another thread in this rich fabric of life; it’s the bitter end of a vibrant and intoxicating drink, one of which we are invited to take in to the fullest.

the name of this blog is called drinking the cup – it’s a concept i ran across in henri nouwen’s book, can you drink the cup? which is, i can truly say, a book that changed my life. the perspective on life and living which nouwen outlines in that short, simple reflection is one which i have striven to adopt in all things, and today is no different.

the overwhelming truth is that i am loved, deeply and wholly and fully and purely, by the God that not only crafted my very self but continually holds me into being with his love every moment of every day. i feel the pulsing beat of that love within me now, and it brings me to tears, ones that heal and plant seeds of joy. my battered heart beats in time within me also, and will continue to do so. i don’t doubt that at all. and with time i suppose this will become another chapter in my life, and i’m okay with that...

three days ‘til christmas...