allergies

summer is here, and hopefully that means a chance for more frequent blogging. i feel as though my once-a-month trend during the school year sadly left much unsaid - there are so many adventures and questions and thoughts that would have benefited from a much more thorough vetting than simply my mind or the ears of my roommates.

i've started a bit of a job. yesterday was my first full day, and well into day two, i'm (maybe) beginning to get a little bit of a feel for things. i'm working as the interim manager for a coffee shop and guest house at the ioc, where both my parents work and my brother as well. it's a bit of a family affair, i suppose.

i've always had these rather idyllic imaginings of running an inn or a bed and breakfast. i imagined hosting guests, decorating rooms, making beds and healthful breakfasts, turning down sheets. mostly the joys of hosting and feeding friendly faces, sharing in the joy of someone else's holiday-making cheer. i, however, did not include in these visions any semblance of the immensity of number-crunching, supply-sorting, order-figuring, and general volume of data consisting of those infarious numbers whom i so displease. especially the numbers proceeded by dollar signs.

i suppose i should have, but who said dreams should be tied to reality? i, even in the past 48 hours, have come to a deeper appreciation of how non-business oriented i am. the concepts of profit margins and bottom lines leave me feeling squeezed of air. maybe i'm allergic to capitalism? a few months ago, i showed the first sign of this strange ailment. when i initially accepted my position at ucla, i realized that i would have to buy a car in order to survive in the city. a creeping feeling of dread overcame me then, at times all-encompassing but soon ebbing into a faint throb in the back of my head.

while in my senior practicum rotation in labor and delivery, we had a client who desperately needed iv penicillin to treat an infection threatening both her life and the life of her baby. she was allergic, and alternative therapies were tried. when they proved ineffective, the medical doctors recommended a desensitization trial - she would be exposed to 1/1000th of the typical dose and gradually transitioned to higher and higher dosages. such a procedure has been documented through clinical research to almost eliminate the risk of allergic reaction. it was successful for her as well.

if i really am allergic to capitalism, is there any desensitization process for me?

as i try to sort that one out, i'm happy to be working. period. i find it a special blessing, however, to be working with such lovely people and in an environment and position that promise to continue to challenge me in new and unexpected ways each day.