so long, sweet summer

i feel like the "end of summer" cliche has been so overdone in many ways. just the words themselves conjure images of john travolta and olivia newton john crooning on the beach of some hollywood set and the melodies of countless pop songs float through my brain like an oddly composed summer medley.

but the end of my summer is approaching, and as ends of things are natural places for reflection, i have found myself thinking more and more this past week about the journey of my past year, much less the summer. i've been to africa and back. twice. i have learned to read and write a new language, smoked hookah for the first time, trekked through the atlas mountains, wandered the streets of paris, and spent the night in the middle of the mojave desert with a handful of friends and a myriad of stars as my companions. i have gotten a solid look at my future life as a full-time nurse (and i'm excited for it) as well as the beauty of living, just living and working - without papers or deadlines or exams to stress you out of your mind.

this year has also brought me face to face with the extreme hardships of poverty, and the tenuous place of receiving hospitality when you know that your host cannot possibly afford it. i have held an infant as it passed away, and held his mother when all was said and done. i have laughed until i couldn't breathe, and i have cried until i thought no more tears could possibly come. i have felt achingly lonely, and i have experienced the joy of being completely, deeply, and fully surrounded by human love. i have had my heart shattered, and i have learned how to live and love through it.

i have been taught a few basics of moroccan cooking, and some of the complexities of global development, environmental protection, and food justice. i have come to realize that there are freedoms present within this country of america for women and minorities that do not come so easily in other places, and i am still learning how to appreciate this state which issues my passport and this ambiguous thing we call "citizenship."

i have experienced boston fall, morocco winter, paris spring, and california summer.

needless to say, as i sit here and let these memories bubble up within my consciousness, i am bowed over by the diversity, and humbled by overwhelming gratitude. in so many ways, i am different from the lauren elizabeth fadely who, this time last year, was sitting at a coffee shop in east texas, only just beginning to fully process a summer spent in freetown, sierra leone.

and then, when i think about where i might be this time next year and all the settling and firming up of these subtle changes combined with new ones, i can't even see yet...well, i get a little overwhelmed - one of those mixtures of antsy excitement with a dash of deep dread, if you know what i mean.

all this to say - the point finally - is that while it's easy to get caught up in the varied myriad of memories, i seek to simply hold them, draw them into me, and look forward - with eyes clear and calm - toward the future.